|The Spoonie Creation|
1. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. But he did not realise that the Devil was chasing him, seeking mischief to perform.
3. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
4. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
5. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the Devil said: Day, Night? Wait till I come up with Spoonies, for they will either sleep too much or not at all. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
6. And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
7. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
8. And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
9. And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And the Devil said, Ah, that'll be good for Spoonies to fall onto. Nice and hard.
10. And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good. And the Devil said: But let's have some more fun with the Spoonies, and make the dry land sometimes like unto the waters of the sea, raging even as a tempest, but let not the Spoonies know from one hour to the next which it shall be, and verily our mirth shall be great.*
11. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
12. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
13. And the evening and the morning were the third day.
14. And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
15. and let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
16. And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
17. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
18. and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
19. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
20. And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. And the Devil said Foul? That'll be the Conservatives.
21. And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And the Devil said, I see,they have to be able to move. That'll count out some of these Spoonies I have planned.
22. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. And the Devil did ensure that all politicians multiplied.
23. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
24. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
25. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And the Devil said, Let the things that creepeth upon the earth be named The Coalition.
26. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them .And the Devil created Spoonies, who were in the image of God and looked so well but had bits that did not work properly. And the Spoonies had dominion over nothing.
28. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. And the Devil said, Apart from Spoonies, who are clearly not interested in being fruitful and multiplying, and shall be the lowest of the low.
29. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. And lo, certain of the Spoonies did say, Herb? Where?
30. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. And the Devil suggested the Welfare Reform Bill and the NHS Bill to the creeping things that were the Coalition.
31. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the Devil also rejoiced in that which he had made. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
32. And on the seventh day Spoonie Jebus necked some Oramorph and had a nap to build up his strength. For verily, there was a hell of a mess to sort out.
*Devil section by Meg Morrigan