First off, there's the dishes themselves. Picture your typical fine dining menu:
- Quenelles of axminister on a belushi rosti
- Hipster cop three ways with charred lurex, served with a eurovision broth
- Braised largesse with persil ravioli and germolene purée
- Camshaft torte served with a crushing sense of ennui
And the portions are always so small. This is the three-course meal cooked by the winner of this year's Mastechef, Saliha Mahmood-Ahmed. Sorry Saliha, I'm sure it's delicious, but I'd be stopping for chips on the way home.
So, posh food. That's why I just don't get you. My offer to accompany anyone who would like to take me to Berares, however, still stands..